Day 1 Friday, July 30, 2010

I have made a pledge today to stay sober for a month. For people who know me well this is a monumental decision. It's a decision I've made before but have always eventually gone back on. This time a solid month that includes a pledge to a sponsor, may actually not backfire. I have already quit smoking cigarettes (last thing I smoked was a cigar on July 11th, my birthday) and don't smoke marijuana.. but that's mostly because I can't afford it and never have any.
Alcohol has been something that fills every gap and resides in every corner in my life. Lately since I work at home mostly and don't leave much I drink at home no matter what I am doing. In the shower I was drinking. I was drinking while doing lawn-work. I was drinking while cleaning the house. I was drinking while watching movies. I was drinking all the time. If I went out with friends and my girlfriend, or just friends, or out by myself I usually had a few or too many beers with my food, with my conversations, or with whatever.. you get the picture.
Today was day one of being sober. I was already giving myself an excuse a little while ago to have a drink. My girlfriend called me up and invited me out, and I thought, "what the heck! I'll drink tonight and start the countdown on SUNDAY, because that's the beginning of a NEW month. I did the right thing and stayed home. Sure right now I am a little on the edgy side, and a little left out because of all the drinking I COULD be doing right now... I digress. I shouldn't.
The day started out easy, because I couldn't drink this morning. I go to a DUI program class every Friday Morning. I rode my bike there and back as I do every day I have class. It's a 14 mile round trip. Drinking would only make me more tired and dehydrated, so I didn't even want to drink. And then I had to ride to the post office before even getting back home to pick up boxes. Usually upon arriving home, I want to drink, but I was too hungry and I ate and drank ALOT of water. I have been contemplating buying a lot of seltzer water to curve my obsessive need for carbonated beverages.
After this, in an attempt to stay busy I brushed shoulders with my Girlfriend (who lives with me and will now incur the wrath of a sober Fernando, who usually has visions of grandeur and writes maniacally) and pack up a few Ebay packages of things I sold. A small lot of Disney PVC figurines I sold for a penny, 20 CD's that all skip I sold for 6 pennies, Broken GI Joes Toys I sold for a penny, the Autobiography of Malcom X I sold for 75 pennies, and a Spongebob Gamecube Game I sold for 178 pennies. Sweet.
I ride my bike to the post office again. I look thru garbage cans as I always do. Found about 12 CRV's. Sweet.
When I get home I start listing on Ebay again and every time I want to drink I have some water. I feel hungry more often for some reason. I usually do, but it actually felt like a hunger pang. When I was drinking it felt more like I was going to be sick If I didn't eat. Then I would usually just drink some more instead of eating. Not today. I also chose healthier meals and ate more slowly and enjoyed my food. I ate oatmeal, bananas, cucumber and tomato with hot sauce, and some left over squash. Usually I'd stuff a piece of Ham in my mouth and have another beer.
All in all I can get used to this. I just have to figure out how I am going to deal with all the socializing drunks that I still call friends. Here goes nothing!