Friday, August 6, 2010

Day 7 and 8 Otherwise known as Recycling Other People's Alcoholism.

Friday Mornings are usually my DUI classes. August 6th's class was the same as every one before. This time I found myself interjecting plenty and doing it in speedy and witty fashion. I found myself alert and ready. I could read every one's faces and anticipate breaks in their sentences to jump in with a disagreement. I had opinions and ideas that were just flowing out of me like ink from a ball point. I was GOING!

These past few days I am beginning to wield new weapons in my personal fight against alcoholism. Alcohol was always a way for me to completely unwind, and get 100% into the "character" that I always think I should be. It also is an opportunity to be even more of a jackass than I usually am. I mean who hasn't ever used the excuse, "Hey man sorry! I was drunk!"? Well of course unless you've never drank.

Which brings me to my next point.. Why not use that excuse all the time, anyway? I mean who's going to know? So many times in my long history of drinking, so many times on my run of excess and debauchery, so many times as a raging alcoholic, I could have SWORN no one knew I was drunk. I can count on my Fingers and Toes how many times I was pulled over by police officers and gotten away with extreme levels of BAC, because I simply answered "No" to the question, "Have you been drinking tonight?"

Well, well, well, why not just say "Yes" when asked, "Have you had the entire bottle of vodka to yourself?" and just GO NUTS! Seems like an opportunity to steal your friend's girlfriends/cars, strip down to your underwear/bare ass, and well, do whatever you feel like doing. The next day you can simply say you were drunk. You can even tell officers of the law that you have been drinking and then watch as they scratch their heads in amazement as you continually blow a 0.0% BAC.

"Amazing, just damn amazing.. The guy was as drunk as a skunk. Can't arrest em all Charlie, can't get em all," Officer Mendez might tell his partner as they drive off.

Basically the whole point of this blog today is to exclaim as loudly as possible that I, Fernando Landeros, have found a new alcohol! As green as I am, I have realized I can simply RECYCLE other people's alcoholism and make it my own. They're drunk anyway, they'll never know the difference. More on how I am replacing/reducing/reusing/recycling/retiring my alcoholism tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. I love you, Fernando, and wish you luck!
    (I am bookmarking this, by the way. I have a folder of friend's blogs that check that I am adding this to)