Sunday, August 29, 2010

Plaza Mexico! The Rip-offcot.

the past few days since being sequestered in my parent's house, i've had a double dosing of mainstream commercial america stuff. while waiting for my lil sis to get a manicure and pedicure, my pops and i went to a skateboarding store called s.o.b. sports, sears, petco, and toys r us. before that we went to cvs, and i asked for an application at a marshall's (which is like a thrift store for mijas, and what i mean by mijas, people who can't stand to wear used clothes and think the smell is similar to their grandparent's bedroom). as far as smell is concerned i have decided i will NEVER set foot into a nails salon ever again. when i worked in a mall, i recall there being a peculiar scent emanating from the nails salon as i walked past it, but i would have never thought that it smelled as BAD as it did.

in college i took a class called environmental racism. in this class the text-book went so far as to suggest that this job was practically dedicated to lower/middle class asian americans. basically the long hours, poor ventilation, and the close proximity to the chemicals ensured that an entire group of citizens were being toxified. i asked the couple who were running the front desk if they minded the smell (at this point i had my shirt over my nose), and they just smiled and said that they were used to it. i think i might have even been stricken with a slight headache. it went away, but i am sure if i worked there and had to stay there for longer than a few minutes, i'd have a permanent headache. eventually i suppose it would go away, sort of like that first high you get when you smoke a cigarette or take a hit of marijuana and then every eventual hit is not as potent as the last. or to some extent like you can never get as drunk as the first time you got drunk, no matter how much more you drink than that last time. i believe the word is called "chronic". in short i don't think chronic exposure to nail stripping chemicals is good for you. maybe for the dame that visits the joint for a quick pamper it's not so bad, but man i feel for those little asian ladies.

i also feel for the city of los angeles who gets the chance to visit "plaza mexico" in the great city of lynwood. apparently a korean man who lived in mexico for some time, came back to los angeles and decided that he needed to recreate an average city in mexico and splash a plethora of overpriced schlock shops and a few authentic mexican restaurants from different regions. now i am not saying that the mexican-americans who work here aren't doing a good job. we ate at Guelaguetza restaurant. they provided a oaxacan experience that was chock full of mole and delicious warm beverages. in fact the food was very tasty. it was something i could have made at home obviously. especially since i ordered a nopal salad, which was basically nopales, tomatoes, onions, and fresh cheese. which was very good. i mean i really couldn't complain. except for the fact that the music was LOUD for 9am, and it was all this horrible brand of spanish pop music that sounded like lady gaga singing japanese over a couple of sum 41 and/or miley cyrus music.

the town as a whole looked like a universal studios back lot. the buildings, statues, and tile floors all evoked the feeling of walking thru an authentic mexican downtown, except it all looked so fake. especially when you left and you saw the "backstage", which was comprised of grimy overgrown bushes, trash, and typical los angeles toddler scrawling, also known as graffiti.

there were absolutely no scruffy weather beaten salesmen, offering cotton candy or pinatas. there were no women selling artistry laid out on hand woven blankets. there were no kids running around with no parents in sight, chasing down wild dogs and asking for change. there WAS on the other hand, a mall.. which tired to look like a mexican mall SO bad that it actually sucked for trying. they were still selling juicy couture and nike shoes anyway. they were just doing it in a smaller space, and the aisles were more confined. mexican malls usually sold cheap knock offs of power ranger and hulk hogan toys, and a few "chorts" and "chirts" that resembled adidas brands. quite honestly the last time i went to a mexican mall IN MEXICO, it looked like an american mall, with all the bells and whistles. hooray for mall swapping! it seems as if california has traded its idea for the mall with mexico hands down. i feel as if mexico is getting the short end of the stick on this one.

before i left i also got a gander at the setting up of the event that was going to be taking place there later in the day. it was a verizon wireless promotion. apparently entering your name for a drawing where you can win a quinceanera of your dreams would guarantee you the chance to meet Jay Sean. who the hell is jay sean anyway? i looked him up and the first words i read were the names of his songs.. "ride it", "cry", "eyes on you". to make it all even more worthwhile, the quinceanera of your dreams would feature a performance by jay sean! to make it even more interesting, the guy's real name is Kamaljit Singh Jhooti and is British-Indian. i was thinking that enqrique iglesias was going to be there.

this my friends, could be the other reason why mexicana, the airliner, is going out of business. apparently you can get a taste of mexico by traveling to lynwood, ca. if i ever come up on a large amount of money i'm going to build a theme park somewhere, with a replica of austin, a fake version of new york city, and an even faker version of hollywood. i'm going to call it Cheesney's Rip-offcot center.


  1. YOU entertain me with your words...!!!

  2. Great post, as always. I must visit this Plaza Mexico myself; reminds me of a Mr. Show sketch about "San Francisco: The Theme Park", giving visitors the new SF minus the Chinese, gays, among other things.

    Environmental Racism? The words make me imagine some hack comedian going "Black people recycle like this (does cool version of recycling), White people recycle like this (does dorky doo-dee-doo walk)".